Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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