I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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