just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
