I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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