All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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