his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize