I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize