yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The feeling are messing with the penis
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
