So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
