is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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