My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
