shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
