Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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