if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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