On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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