Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
