How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
