the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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