Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
