Nicole vs. Life
I can text with my tongue
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
