We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So vagazzling was a success
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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