maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
