just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
