Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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