I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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