Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
