you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
