Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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