Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize