She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
