fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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