My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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