If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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