my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
