Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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