your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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