Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
