Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
