He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
