The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
