He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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