oh god the rape fog is back!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
