connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize