Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
