We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
