Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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