I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
