we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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