so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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