The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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