life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
