Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
