News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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