Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
