you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
