If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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