I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
