Screwed.edu
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
