he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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