I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
