Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
