he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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