Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
