dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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