no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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