The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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