Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
