the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
