i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
