We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
