So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i think i have two assholes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
