Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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