I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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