would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Randomize
