YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
