Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
where are my eyebrows?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
